September 13, 2005

I’m an addict. I admit it. I just can’t get enough. Flirting, that is. I’ve noticed, as I get older what a valuable commodity flirting is, be it in a relationship, in the early stages or even just for fun. It’s just good stuff. It is instant gratification in the age of instant everything. It’s like the perfect pair of heels (on sale), a cool vodka on ice or McDonald’s French fries, but even better. I love the way it can make you immediately revert back to being a15-year old passing notes in class, except these days it’s a text message or a coy IM session. The rush nonetheless, is the same.

What is about flirting? I think it’s the anticipation of what might be next. Like the minutes before the first kiss – you know it’s coming and you’re both just waiting for the other to lean in just so and there it is. It’s been likened to a “dance” and other cute metaphors but I just think it’s just hot. It’s how we talk to each other, man or woman. It seems more and more we have forgotten how to talk to one another. I don’t mean “communicate” in the Dr. Phil way. I mean really talk to one another and have fun. It is something of art form and man, a person that can flirt well, well let’s just say it’s a good skill to have even if it turns you into a giggly teenager.

As much as I hate to admit it, I have been going through a funk of late. I was starting to think I may never like a guy again. You know, “like, like” a guy. I was craving something, anything that remotely felt like something. I don’t know if it had anything to do with the end of summer and my feeble attempts to hold on, or just the fact that everywhere I looked I saw people kissing. I’m not kidding. It was everywhere I turned as if someone was giving me a giant, cosmic middle-finger. But even amidst all the paring-off and kissing, I wasn’t sure what I really wanted. I did know that dating alone wasn’t cutting it. I can only speak for New York but I suspect it’s not much different in other places. NO one seems to want to have good, clean fun anymore. People flirt, but more as a defense mechanism. It’s just not the same as getting shoved on the playground by the cute boy in class.

I left work a few weeks back smiling ear-to-ear all the way home. I had the silly grin on and if I had a piece of gum in my mouth, I know I’d be blowing bubbles. It all started innocently enough. An IM window popped up. Something funny was said. A witty response was sent back and before I knew it, I think, no I’m pretty sure we were flirting! Yes, we were definitely flirting. I’m surprised I even remembered how to but that’s the great thing about IM. While flirting in and of itself is relatively safe, IM adds another level of security where you could be a little more outlandish if you wanted to be. Before I knew it, an hour had passed (yes, I’m still at work) and I was on a little bit of a high. I was starting to scratch my head wondering what he was going to say next. What should I say? I immediately had a vision of me in 6th grade calling my best friend after getting off the phone with Robert Perez (sigh) and asking her, “But, do you think he LIKES me, LIKES me?” How could this be? It wasn’t in person, there wasn’t even a kiss. It was all over online! Maybe there is something to online dating? But that’s another column.

But, as I mentioned earlier I’m an addict. Give me a little and before too long, like a junkie I’ll need a bigger fix. That’s the one downside to a fun, flirtatious escapade. Even if you aren’t in it for something more, the minute it starts to wane all that nervous energy bubbles up the surface and comes out in strange and mysterious ways. You’ll either tire of it, and in effect, Him, or you’ll ask yourself silly questions like: Is there someone else? What does that mean? It’s a constant struggle not to go to the “bad place”.

I’ve resolved to accept that dating in the 21st century is a different animal. No one “courts” anymore, emails have replaced love letters, and IMs have replaced good old-fashioned flirting. I can track the deterioration – literally the beginning, middle and end of my last relationship over a series of IM sessions. Is that what it’s come to? Is it so bad really? I mean, if you can still feel like smiling like an insane person just because a boy may think you are kinda cute, it can’t be all bad.