July 3, 2005

I was having a drink with my girlfriend the other night and I couldn’t help but feel a little, well guilty. Why you ask? Well, because the girl I was with wasn’t my girlfriend. You know - your best girlfriend, your BFF. The one you would meet without even planning. The one where within seconds of meeting you both are cracking up over something seemingly silly. Your sister from another mother. She gets you and she never annoys you the way your boyfriend does. And here I was, sitting in a pool of my guilt feeling like a cheating bastard because I was with someone else and enjoying myself.

It all started innocently enough. I was supposed to meet “the other woman” for a quick drink since we had made plans some time back. My girlfriend wanted to meet as well but I had already made these plans. Being the trusting soul she is she told me to go on and have a good time and to call her later. I invited her to join us but she couldn’t so I said it would be a short night anyway and I’d call her when I was done. Two pitchers of sangria later I was already in to deep. I was “sangria-ed”. Remember that Seinfeld episode when Elaine had too much Peach Schnapps? Then you get it.

Suddenly, we were talking about our plans for the future and the inevitable discussion about what we were doing with our lives came up. After another glass, we moved onto our ex-es, like the guy she dated for years that in hindsight just didn’t fit her. Then we talked about the guy I thought I was in love with, who’s now getting married to someone else. And, through it all I listened and she listened. She really listened because no matter how silly you know it sounds, for those few minutes you just want someone to hear you. I was having a great time and it was a strange feeling because while I love all my girlfriends and we all have a connection, I have something distinctly different with each one. But this time, I was feeling like I was having the same connection with another person, and that was a little disturbing. We were vibe-ing off of one another they way I do with my girl. I was just having drinks with another girl. So, why was I feeling so guilty? Was I really making more out of this than it was? Probably, but tell that to my guilty conscience.

I started to think about our relationship. It had been through its ups and downs like any other, but we had made it to the other side and stronger. We even had semi-regular “date nights”. She recently got married and while life really isn’t much different now that her boyfriend is her husband, I realized I was subconsciously moving away from her. I was giving her space for her new life. A new life that included other couples, families and obligations that didn’t involve unplanned Saturday afternoons. And, I wondered if this was why I was feeling guilty. Maybe, I could feel myself separating from her so I was already “looking around” or maybe like most of us, I was just afraid of being left alone so I decided to leave first.

After the last pitcher of sangria and having gone through countless bad dates and every possible career scenario, it was time to go home. As I stumbled across town, I feverishly dialed my cell because I suddenly realized it was later than I thought and I did promise to call when I was done. My girlfriend picked up and I, obviously guilty was overly enthusiastic and talking much too fast. I asked her how her night was, if she still wanted to meet up (she didn’t), did she want me to stop by (no, she was about to go to bed). She was of course, unsuspecting and just wanted to know if I had a good time. I did. God help me, I did. We said our good nights and I went home and figured this was my burden to bear.

The next morning after my haze wore off I got my usual morning email from my girlfriend. She started to tell me a story that to the ordinary observer may seem nonsensical but to me was completely logical. We joke that we share a brain and it was comforting to know we still did. It may appear like a small realization but it occurred to me that our relationship hadn’t changed. Sure, it had evolved a bit but that was really nothing to be scared of. The best relationships are the ones that age well, and if our relationship could withstand her getting married it could withstand my minor indiscretions. Great girlfriends are hard to come by so when they do, you hang on tight just like you would hold on to a pitcher.