EGO presents, resident feminist columnist, Piyali Bhattacharya's take on V-Day (i.e.: Valentines day in feminist speak) through the lens of Eve Ensler's famous (or perhaps infamous ?), 'The Vagina Monologues'.

Last year for V-Day, I directed 'The Vagina Monologues' at the University of London. I’ve been a part of the production before, either behind the scenes or just helping raise awareness and funds. But directing it is a completely different experience, and one that required me to constantly challenge my preconceived notions of what V-Day meant to different people. More importantly, it challenged my expectations of the ways in which power is manifested or spoken.

Directing a non-American production of the play, I found that things that I had taken for granted in my college versions of the show were totally changing. For example, one might say that the monologue called “My Angry Vagina” was probably written for an American woman with a lot of attitude. But the friend of mine who performed it was African-British, and the way she delivered it blew my mind. She spoke the same words that I had seen performed so many times before, and even though she expressed her anger, she was gentle. She was vulnerable and funny in a way that only the English can be, and she was not at all in-your-face in the way that monologue is often performed. I realized through her performance that “anger” doesn’t necessarily have to equal “screaming.” Of course, this was something I was aware of before, but it wasn’t until she spoke those angry words with such grace that I realized how it could be done. Even though I was technically directing the show, in a lot of ways for that particular monologue, my friend directed my anger with patriarchy through new channels.

Since last year’s performance, I’ve been thinking about how a play like 'The Vagina Monologues' or a movement like the V-Day movement applies to us Desi women, and graceful ways in which we might direct our anger against the injustices that surround us. On the one hand, there’s crazy Eve Ensler, shipping out to Pakistan every chance she gets and decrying the value of the burkha. Problematic to be sure, as is almost anything else she writes, including The Vagina Monologues. But on the other hand, there’s V-Day, and the beautiful thought behind it… a movement that Ensler entirely birthed and raised.

So what is V-Day? According to Ensler’s website, VDay.org, V-Day is a global movement to stop violence against women and girls. It generates broader attention for the fight to stop violence against women and girls, including rape, battery, incest, female genital mutilation (FGM) and sexual slavery. The “V” in V-Day stands for Victory, Valentine and Vagina.

So for V-Day and beyond this year, I encourage you to do what Ensler hopes we will all do: find a Desi women’s center near you, or go online to check out the ones that are specific to Desi women that aren’t local.

For me personally, I’m probably never going to make the sacrifice to take a year or two out of my busy life and go teach a group of girls in an Indian village how to read. But maybe if I support programs like the V-Day movement, or other organizations like The Girl Effect (girleffect.org) or even just a local women’s shelter, I’ll have done my bit.

About the author:
Piyali Bhattacharya is an American-born Desi writer who contributes pieces about South Asian American Feminisms to EGO every fortnight. Please send comments to her at EGOfemme@egothemag.com or to EGO at info@egothemag.com

Images: http://www.plgart.com/Quisgard/QuisgardFrameset.htm

So what does the movie have to offer?

The story is simple enough. A man travels across the US hoping to deliver a message. That message? Also simple - “My name is Khan. And I am not a terrorist.”
The reason? The oldest in the world – love.
The complication? He suffers from Asperger's Syndrome.
The journey is a personal quest but this simple, endearing man manages to connect with people in a unique way even as we learn more about why and how he started on this quest.

So what does the movie have to offer?

The story is simple enough. A man travels across the US hoping to deliver a message. That message? Also simple - “My name is Khan. And I am not a terrorist.”
The reason? The oldest in the world – love.
The complication? He suffers from Asperger Syndrome.
The journey is a personal quest but this simple, endearing man manages to connect with people in a unique way even as we learn more about why and how he started on this quest.

SRK is mind blowing as Rizvan Khan. He surpasses anything one could have expected. Of course, perhaps it’s following the recent spate of teenage horrors movies and shows (think Twilight) or just the Om Shanti Om, Main Hoon Na and Devdas expectations. You walk out feeling like it would be impossible for any other Hindi Cinema actor to manage the role better or even as well! But then you realize that that’s not true. Shahrukh Khan has just made this movie so entirely his that trying to picture Aamir Khan or Hrithik Roshan from the mainstream heroes seems wrong, as does Naseeruddin Shah or Nana Patekar from the Art scene. In the same way, even though his co-star Kajol Devgan had a great role and was moving as usual, one mostly remembers Shahrukh Khan.

The use of the US as a backdrop is not just that - the political situations (let’s not put huge spoilers here!), the effects of 9/11, the social injustices - everything is depicted as it is. The dialogues and situations ring true. Every actor does a terrific job. The scenes are breathtaking and real in a way one doesn't always have in Bollywood-connected movies. Karan Johar has directed a truly world-class product.

Some tiny issues? There are a few interesting references that seem to better fit the UK- e.g. they use the word “Paki” as a derogatory for a Pakistani/South Asian, soccer in San Francisco plays a role in the story and there is a reference to Manchester United, to mention three.

Biggest disappointment? The President could have looked more like the President :-(

Bottom line? SRK, you make MNiK rock!

Ayaan Hirsi Ali is a non-conformist, any which way you look at it. The former Somali-Dutch politician's story is one that called for self-reinvention. EGO contributor, E. Nina Rothe writes about Ayaan Hirsi Ali's indomitable presence at the Durbar Hall.

At the recently concluded Jaipur Literature Festival, an annual event organized by writer William Dalrymple and an insightful five-day journey through the literary world, Ayaan Hirsi Ali made an unannounced stop to speak about her book 'Infidel' and her views on Islam. The Somalian-born filmmaker and author was accompanied by her ever-present bodyguard, the result of the Fatwa issued against her. It was a Sunday morning surprise, during a particularly session-busy time at the literary festival, but I made sure to attend.

Hirsi Ali is no stranger to controversy, whether she is writing, speaking, being a politician or simply dating. She wrote the script of a film which cost Theo van Gogh his life, then became a Dutch Member of Parliament, only to resign from the position because of statements she made while seeking asylum in the Netherlands. Lately, she's been in the news for contributing to the break-up of the marriage between neo-conservative historian Niall Ferguson and his wife Susan Douglas. Ferguson and Hirsi Ali met last year in NYC and were even photographed kissing at the JLF, which might have accelerated Ferguson's divorce decision.

But regardless of her personal life, it is undeniable that Hirsi Ali is a figure both provocative and controversial and her voice is one that whether we agree with her or not, needs to be heard. She has a physical presence that is impossible to ignore: tall, lean and simply dressed, with just a stitch of make-up and pulled back hair. Her voice is at once feminine and authoritative. And she certainly did not hold back during her talk, which was moderated by Tehelka's editor Shoma Chaudhuri and held in the beautiful Durbar Hall inside the grounds of Diggi Palace, the festival's home since its beginnings.

In her teenage years, Hirsi Ali admitted to having supported the Fatwa issued against Salman Rushdie but now sees the irony in having to live in a similar way. From an early age, she followed what she called a kind of 'Amulet Islam', more of a moderate form of the religion but noticed a definite shift in Somalia, right around 1985. Faith became like an 'inner Jihad' whereas before then 'we were all Muslims and we took it for granted' she said. After this change, the religion 'made you a member of a group, gave you a common objective. You got points for the life in the Thereafter' she continued.

When Chaudhuri questioned her complete repudiation of Islam, instead of going back to a more moderate form of the religion, Hirsi Ali answered that 'those who take the religion in its most militant form, who have interests in spreading Islam, they have shut down the conversation. Just doubting makes you a traitor or an infidel' and continued that 'Western values are incompatible with Islam, where men and women are NOT equal and gay individuals should be killed.'

As a whole, she pointed out that moderate Muslims are regarded as people who have discarded Islam and she advised that reform within the religion would only be possible when the idea that Islam is not perfect could be widely accepted by its followers and clerics.

Hirsi Ali pointed to the fact that 'Christian and Jewish fundamentalists are highly criticized and cartooned' and yet Islamic fundamentalists are avoided as a way to appease, to avoid provocation. She asked 'Can you have a conversation about Islam in any language where you will not offend Muslims?' and continued 'If you touch on the Qu'ran or the sayings of the Prophet Mohammed you will offend Muslims.'

Of course, as far as organized world religions go, Islam is the youngest of the lot. If we look back at Christianity in the 1400, there were two Popes and an Antipope, so from a simply chronological point of view, we could say that Islam is exactly where it should be, treading through its own Middle Ages. Granted, it is difficult to begin the dialogue with a religious faction that simply does not recognize a need for a more moderate version of its doctrines. But is it also possible that a fervent feminist like Hirsi Ali, who has experienced displacement and fear as a result of her beliefs, can stop seeing things multi-dimensionally and perhaps become guilty of a bit of what she so despises in her fundamentalist counterparts?

While the conversation inside Durbar Hall did not exactly present a solution for world peace, it did enlighten those in attendance to the views and opinions of a woman who simply cannot go unnoticed.

About the author: E. Nina Rothe ran her own column at Chic Today for over a year and a half where she interviewed Sooni Taraporevala, Zoya Akhtar and Liz Mermin among many others. She currently writes for AVS TV. She has just been published in Tehelka Magazine and Bespoke as well. You can find her personal writing on her blog The Ajnabee Websites: (http://theajnabee.com/)

MAMA SAYS GOOD GIRLS MARRY DOCTORS
Retaining Control, Negotiating Roles:
South and East Asian Diasporic Women and their Parents

MAMA SAYS GOOD GIRLS MARRY DOCTORS
Retaining Control, Negotiating Roles:
South and East Asian Diasporic Women and their Parents

Parents. Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em. Actually, that’s not true. I love my parents, and I’m living with them as we speak! But coming back home after about seven years away required sacrifices on the parts of both myself and my parents. Negotiating an adult relationship with them has been extremely rewarding. But it wasn’t achieved without its hiccups along the way.

I think that’s true for most diasporic women, and sometimes for Asian (and I use that term to apply to South, East and Southeast Asian) women in particular. Anyone who has grown up as woman in a minority Asian community knows how difficult it is to walk the line between the world of our parents and the world of our school or work environment. Our parents often have unreasonable expectations of our behavior. Many times, Asian parents in the Diaspora have a sharpened sense of what family or society in the “home” country might expect of them. Even if they left Asia decades ago, the older community rules by which they grew up is what is replicated as a model of behavior for their daughters, even if things in the “home” country have changed quite a bit with the times. The stress this creates often leads to these girls loving and feeling totally loyal to their parents, but also feeling like their parents don’t necessarily understand them.

To that end, I’d like to use this fortnight’s post to introduce a project I’ve been working on for quite some time. The project is called “Mama Says Good Girls Marry Doctors.” The title, meant to be a tongue-in-cheek jab at the things Asian mothers sometimes say, was born out of a conversation I was having with a Chinese-Canadian friend about what our relationship was like with our parents.

Before I knew it, the conversation had morphed into not only a blog, but also a book! So included here is the Call for Submissions for the anthology. I hope you Desi ladies out there will take a look and consider writing a submission!

Happy writing!

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS

MAMA SAYS GOOD GIRLS MARRY DOCTORS
Retaining Control, Negotiating Roles:
South and East Asian Diasporic Women and their Parents

Editors: Piyali Bhattacharya and Josephine Tsui
Contact: goodgirlsmarrydoctors@gmail.com
Submission Deadline: July 1, 2010

***VISIT US ON THE WEB!***
GOODGIRLSMARRYDOCTORS.WEBS.COM

Are you a good girl? You know what we mean: you listen to your parents, there’s no gossip about you in the “community.” Or are you a bad girl? Were you caught smoking in high school? Did you marry that white boy against your parents’ wishes?

We ask you to contribute your story to a forthcoming volume: “Mama Says Good Girls Marry Doctors.” This book focuses on the pressures on South and East Asian women who have grown up in North America to be “good girls.” It seeks to collect the stories of such women, and their traumas, victories, and defeats as they face the control that their immigrant parents try to exercise over them in relation to the choice of a partner, or a career, or their freedom. We want to know how negotiating these pressures affects young Asian diasporic women, their relationship to feminism, to their parents and to their partners or siblings.

We DO NOT seek academic essays, but creative non-fiction pieces, narratives, reflections and personal histories and memoirs. You can tell your own story or that of a friend or relative. As Asian women who have experienced such issues ourselves, we want this volume to bring a range of stories out in the open and available to other women who are facing the same issues.

Your essay might focus on one of the following:
~How did your battle with your parents affect the way you viewed them, either immediately after any given incident, or retrospectively many months or years later? How did it affect the way they viewed or treated you?
~Is there a difference in the way your parents treat you versus your brother? Has it made a difference if you are an older or a younger sibling? Has your parents’ treatment of you affected the way you interact with your siblings?
~What were the creative ways in which you dealt with negative reactions from your parents about your partner, career, parenting skills, or any other issue?
~Have your friends outside your family or community been unable to understand the pull or responsibility you feel toward your parents? How have you dealt with this?
~ Have you found that your economic class differentiates your experience from what is considered the “norm” or from other women from your ethnic/cultural community?
~Have you ever felt like your life decisions in regard to your parents have compromised or altered your feminism?

Of course, these are by no means the only questions we are focusing on. We want to hear your unique story. We are looking for women who have undergone interesting processes of self-discovery and want to hear about how these women have chosen unique ways in which to handle negotiations with their parents, and about the outcomes of their various efforts.

We want to hear your voice and your story!

Send all submissions (3,000 – 4,000 words) to: goodgirlsmarrydoctors@gmail.com by JULY 1, 2010.

About the author:
Piyali Bhattacharya is an American-born Desi writer who contributes pieces about South Asian American Feminisms to EGO every fortnight. Please send comments to her at EGOfemme@egothemag.com or to EGO at info@egothemag.com

EGO's resident feminist columnist Piyali Bhattacharya, informs us why these are precisely the five women who make her "must-meet" personalities list.

"So it got me thinking: who are some Desi female celebrities I might want to spend an hour getting to know? And thus was born this column, in which I list the five women I might most like to meet and get to know from the South Asian and diasporic communities....."

So it got me thinking: who are some Desi female celebrities I might want to spend an hour getting to know? And thus was born this column, in which I list the five women I might most like to meet and get to know from the South Asian and diasporic communities. Here, I have used the term “celebrity” loosely, wanting to incorporate as many different women doing cool and feminist things that I can. Maybe they will all read this column and get in touch with me!

1. Mythili Prakash – For those of you who don’t know who this is, I’m going to take a moment to explain why she’s at the very top of my list. Mythili Prakash is a young Bharata Natyam dancer. By young, I mean she’s not even thirty, and by dancer, I mean she’s changing and shaping the face of one of the world’s oldest and most popular dance styles today. Having grown up in L.A. and learned Bharata Natyam from her mother, the famous teacher Viji Prakash, Mythili went on to complete her undergraduate degree at U.C. Berkeley and then moved to Chennai to get serious about dance. This girl has some real guts, not to mention endless style and grace. As an avid Bharata Natyam dancer myself, I am in awe of her precision and her innovative choreography, and the ways in which she is bringing the dance form into this new millennium. But don’t take my word for it, check out her portfolio at www.mythiliprakash.com

2. Medha Patkar – Medha didi or Medha tai, as Ms. Patkar is known around the Narmada Valley, is one of India’s most indomitable political activists. She is the founder of the Narmada Bachao Andolan, which began as a quest for information about the Narmada Valley Development Projects and morphed into a fight for just rehabilitation for the hundreds of thousands of people who were to be ousted by the Sardar Sarovar Dam and other large dams along the Narmada river. Medha didi has fought long and hard for these people, and though it has earned her many awards and accolades, it’s obvious that that’s hardly why she does the work. If I could spend just a few moments with Medha Patkar, I think I’d ask her where she gets the will to keep doing work that is so difficult and often requires being away from India’s urban centers for months and years at a time. I’ve spent a good chunk of my life in India, but I’d be lying if I said I spent a lot of time outside of Delhi and Calcutta. Ms. Patkar, what gives you the kind of incredible determination you have?!

3. Susheela Raman – Ok, time for a confession. I have actually met and spent an evening with Susheela Raman (to be precise: hung out with her and her band after attending a concert of hers in London), but she’s just so cool that I’d want to meet her again! Check out www.susheelaraman.com immediately if you’ve never heard her music. She has one of the most powerful voices of our generation, and she uses it to blend Hindustani, Carnatic and Western styles of music into one smooth, vocal jazz. Each of her songs is deeply steeped in her strong sense of feminism and her capacity to create music and to love, and these are all emotions that wash over you as you listen to her. I fell in love with her first album Salt Rain in 2004, and since then have had to get my hands on the rest as soon as they’ve been released. Favorite tracks? These are the ones I play on repeat: Salt Rain (album: Salt Rain); The Same Song (album: Music for Crocodiles, also featured on the soundtrack of the film The Namesake); Sharavana (album: Music for Crocodiles); Ganapati (album: Salt Rain); Half Shiva Half Shakti (album: Love Trap); Trust in Me (album: Salt Rain, and yeah, it’s the adaptation of that song from the animated film The Jungle Book!)

4. Ginu Kamani – You may never have heard of her, but Ginu Kamani is an ultra feminist writer-in-residence at Mills College and the author of an astonishing book of short stories called Junglee Girl. Criticized for being “overtly sexual,” Junglee Girl was shunned by many because of Kamani’s deep reverence for and fascination with female genitalia. But, as is often the case, the stories were metaphors for the types of sexualities that exist in South Asia, and the ways in which Kamani thinks these sexualities play out as power games. Talk about tacking tough issues head on. If I had a moment with Ginu Kamani, I think I’d ask her where she gets the guts to be such a badass!

5. Rachel Roy – Rachel Roy is a half Bengali, half Dutch fashion designer who has been making quite a name for herself in Hollywood lately. Up there with names like Naeem Khan and Vera Wang, Roy has been dressing the hottest stars. While she shot to fame for being the love interest of hip hop mogul Damon Dash, Roy soon proved that she was able not only to stand on her own feet, but also break into the tough-as-nails industry of fashion. If your interest is piqued, visit www.rachelroy.com where you can see Rachel modeling many of her own fashions. Why is Rachel Roy on my list? Well, Indians may be used to winning Miss World competitions, but how many of our designers dress both Bollywood AND Hollywood stars?

About the author:
Piyali Bhattacharya is an American-born Desi writer who contributes pieces about South Asian American Feminisms to EGO every fortnight. Please send comments to her at EGOfemme@egothemag.com or to EGO at info@egothemag.com

Susheela Raman Image Courtesy of www.susheelaraman.com

Mythili Prakash Image Courtesy of www.pentacle.org

The verdict on 3 Idiots, a Reliance BIG film, is in and commercially anyways, it is a success by any measure. However, a great film it is not.

A movie needn’t be high-brow to be celebrated but 3 Idiots verges on being insufferably didactic rather than a provocative or incisive expose on India’s educational system.

On a recent Indian viewers' choice awards ceremony for Hindi movies, the host lampooned seasoned critics by quoting some unforgiving reviews for films that went on to be blockbusters including Khalid Mohammed’s harsh dismissal of the legendary ‘Sholay’ back in 1975. The purpose of the exercise was to illustrate that no correlation existed between a bad review and a film’s greatness (qualified solely by box-office receipts). This logic is warped. Ringing cash registers signify a successful business venture not brilliant film-making.

The verdict on 3 Idiots, a Reliance BIG film, is in and commercially anyways, it is a success by any measure. However, a great film it is not.

The film starts with two friends Farhan and Raju (Madhavan and Sharman Joshi) embarking on a journey to reunite with their inimitable, non-conformist friend Rancho (Aamir Khan) who disappears after graduation. You guessed it – they’re the 3 Idiots. Rancho had been instrumental in Farhan and Raju actualizing their dreams.

Along the way they traverse memories of college life. From their first days as students at a prestigious engineering school in Delhi to their graduation we’re subjected to messaging tinged with sophomoric humor. Rancho, as the leader of the pack, earns the wrath of the college principal, Viru Sahastabuddhe (Boman Irani). Boman’s attempt at portraying a quirky genius falls short and he comes across as unstable, rigid and petty – all fine qualities one might expect in the head of a premier institution! His daughter Pia (Kareena Kapoor) becomes Rancho’s love interest. Kareena is definitely eye candy but her role is stunted.

While the first half of the film is redeemable, the second half of the film is its undoing. All seminal scenes seem rushed and melodramatic.

A movie needn’t be high-brow to be celebrated but 3 Idiots verges on being insufferably didactic rather than a provocative or incisive expose on India’s educational system. The key scenes do not illustrate the issues with any conviction. There have been far more compelling Hindi movies films released in the past two years. Aamir, one of the best of Hindi cinema, has managed to lower the bar for himself with 3 Idiots.

See it, if you must, for the beautiful stark scenery in the climax and to enjoy the song ‘Zooby Dooby’.

Fazil Jamali’s award-winning art is a refreshing combination of traditional influences and raw talent. The South Asian artist infuses Neo-impressionistic techniques like Pointillism with his own minimalistic style of drawing. The result is a varied, and sometimes haunting, body of work tied to together by Mr. Jamali’s love of nature. The lush colors found in his travels are reflected in loose brushstrokes and saturated tones that capture the eye. EGO Magazine talks to the talented artist about his life and art.






EGO You began as a military man and an avid mountaineer. Tell us more about yourself?

Fazil Physical hardships or difficult circumstances do not faze me. Since childhood, I have never paid any heed to difficult situations. I prefer solitude and am generally quiet by nature. While serving in the Himalayas in the Northern Areas of Pakistan, along the Line of Control between the Pakistan and India border, I would go off alone on long walks through pine woods and birch trees.

Thus, nature has become a part of life, and I like to see myself existing in relation to nature. I realized that I wanted to be one with nature, as it gave me ultimate joy. I want to be part of the mosaic of nature. Even now, I must go out every day to be able to feel and see the plants and trees.

EGO Your art spans many genres and includes a variety of subject matter. How would you describe your perspective and techniques?

Fazil The perspective of all my landscape paintings is from the front, giving the viewer the feeling that he or she is about to step into it. They exude peace, calm and tranquility, which is in fact my theme. The viewer can also feel a sense of calmness and peace.

Painting is a therapy for me. Inactivity makes me restless, giving me a sense of wastefulness and an aimless life. I paint for my wellness and for the joy it gives me.

Painting portraits with pigments on cork and fresco tempera is very
exhilarating, relaxing, as well as exciting and fun. I do not have to
deliberate on the faces and features, which I draw randomly in a matter of minutes. Of course, the preparation of the surfaces takes a lot of time and effort.

EGO You did not begin as an artist. What ultimately drew you to painting?

Fazil My older brother had always been fond of drawing and painting. He came to the U.S. in the early 1970s and studied fine art. On one of his visits home, he brought me some art material. Seeing me not making use of them, the next day he set out the pastels and paper on an easel, put a flower pot in front of me and told me to paint it. I had finished painting the flower pot by the evening. My brother thought it was a good attempt. For the next month, I painted every single flower pot in my mother's garden.

Soon after, I was posted to the Northern Areas, 36 miles South of Gilgit. The mess was located in a beautiful valley that had a grand view of the Nanga Parbat, Haramosh and numerous other mountain peaks. I was inspired to paint them. I kept painting throughout my military career during my spare time.

EGO Your style makes heavy use of Pointillism and evokes the works of Georges-Pierre Seurat. What drew you to his style?

Fazil It was pure coincidence. Strange as though it may sound now, when I started painting I had never seen Seurat's work. The inspiration came later, when I saw his work.

EGO Are you influenced by any other artist(s) or movement(s)?

Fazil I admire [Vincent] Van Gogh, although my work is not influenced by him. Since I had not been to an art school and lacked formal training, I did not have exposure. Later, I realized that I had unconsciously developed my own style. In painting landscape, I did not know how to draw leaves, foliage, grass, etc. In an effort to paint innumerable leaves or blades of grass, for example, I resorted to the technique of using tiny dots and minute strokes.

EGO As a South Asian artist, do you believe that your work brings a unique perspective to the world of modern art?

Fazil Every work of art is basically a perception of the artist's view of the world, based on their background and experience. Even though present happenings strongly affect the content and expression of the painting, the mosaic of the artist's life and experiences can never be ignored in the outcome of the painting. Thus, my being part of the South Asian experience certainly affects my paintings in ways that I can't even fathom.

EGO You've already won multiple awards and presented your pieces at many prestigious galleries. What is your greatest ambition?

Fazil I would like people to have maximum exposure to my work. I want to reach out to people in small, remote towns in Pakistan and make them have exposure to the arts. I would like to set up small art centers in these remote areas.

EGO What are you working on currently? Do you have any upcoming projects?

Fazil Recently, I have been painting the landscape of Virginia, and have painted quite a few. I have been taking advantage of the fall colors.

To see Fazil Jamali’s work, visit his website at www.faziljamali.com.

Images Courtesy of Fazil Jamali.

Here EGO columnist Piyali Bhattacharya delves into issues surrounding body image in the newly created EGOFemme section.

'Most high end designers continue to believe that their brands are tarnished on 'regular' sized women. How's a girl with a fuller body to survive the onslaught of skinny media imagery? Earlier this year the London Times wrote about the 'Triumph of Curves' so there's hope that womens' fecundity will finally be celebrated.

Here EGO columnist Piyali Bhattacharya delves into issues surrounding body image in the newly created EGOFemme section.

I’m inviting about 30 people to my house for New Year’s Eve. They are mostly old college friends and their new partners, people I’ve known and loved for years and the people they now love. Since I haven’t seen most of them in a while and since I’m meeting some for the first time, I’ve already started to think about potential outfits. But when I went to inspect the choices, the confines of my closet seemed to be closing in around me and I found myself at the ever unchanging crossroads of “I’ve already worn that” and “I have nothing to wear.” The only thing left to do was to go to Macy’s armed with a 20% off voucher.

When I made my way to the fitting room with a handful of selections, I was unsurprisingly underwhelmed. Let me explain: I’m a 5’8” Bengali woman, which in most parts of India makes me an Amazon. Couple that with the fact that I’m generally an American size 10 (and a British size 12, which in most haute couture boutiques might as well be a size 80,000) and you’ve got a case of body image issues just waiting to happen. Pants? Tight at the hip and short at the ankle. Skirts? Flare in all the wrong places. Sweaters? Short and bulgy. Let’s not even get started on blazers and jackets. So what on earth is a girl like me supposed to wear?

To set the record straight, I don’t hate myself nor do I find myself obese. But I have to admit that the overpowering stereotype about Desi girls my age in this country is that they are short, petite and extremely slim. In the face of that, it’s hard to love my tall, curvy figure at all times, especially when I’m staring into a fitting room mirror and the clothes staring back are telling me that my body is not made for them. Funny, isn’t it… I thought clothes were supposed to be made for bodies, not the other way around?

When I look around me, most of the diasporic Desi girls I see have perfect straight, black hair, perfect arms for tank tops and perfect legs for skinny jeans. Maybe in response to this, I went through a college phase of wearing almost exclusively Indian clothing. I found nothing suited my body more. Kurtas draped over jeans hiding all of my (what I considered) flaws, saris cascaded elegantly off my shoulder and showed off the best parts of my body on special occasions. The kurta-and-jeans look is how people knew me around campus, and I felt I had such a range of fabrics, styles and prints to work with.

I loved that style and I still do. But let’s face it, I can’t dress that way for a board meeting at my work place. And let’s also face the bigger issue, which is that at that age, I often felt that people my age weren’t interested in me because of my body. Whether that was a construction of my own imagination, or whether it was because people I might have been interested in genuinely were looking for a smaller model of me, I’ll never know. But I can tell you that tall women intimidate the hell out of men in a way that shorter women probably don’t. And I can also tell you that I’ll almost never find something that might suit me for a New Year’s Eve party at Macy’s.

I don’t know what the solutions to these dilemmas are. How do tall, size-10-and-over South Asian women find places to dress themselves in this country? Not only are we not the right size, but our body shapes are more Desi than they are Caucasian, so the styles and cuts of most clothes are exactly wrong for us. What do we wear to show off our full height and still look our own age? How do we deal with potential rejection because we’re not typically 5’2” and 100 lbs.?

The way I have dealt with these things so far is to try and be as confident in myself as possible. If that means scouring every rack of every department store until I find the one skirt that’s long enough, then that’s what I do. If it means ending a night out with friends by going home, looking at my reflection in the mirror and naming all the things I like about myself, I do that. But I will admit that it’s not always easy. And I’ll also admit that for now, my back up plan for a New Year’s outfit is a sari.

About the author:
Piyali Bhattacharya is an American-born Desi writer who contributes pieces about South Asian American Feminisms to EGO every fortnight. Please send comments to her at EGOfemme@egothemag.com or to EGO at info@egothemag.com

Not a particularly feminist issue, but one that is definitely on my mind as the holiday seasons rockets (Rockettes anyone?) into full swing and I can hardly walk by a Starbucks without being tempted by an Egg Nogg Latte.

Share in the desi holiday experience with EGO contributor Piyali Bhattacharya.

As we all recover from Thanksgiving weekend, I thought it might be time to write about how Desis do ‘The Holidays’. Not a particularly feminist issue, but one that is definitely on my mind as the holiday seasons rockets (Rockettes anyone?) into full swing and I can hardly walk by a Starbucks without being tempted by an Egg Nogg Latte.

I love the holidays. The month between Thanksgiving and Christmas is unabashedly my favorite time of year… maybe second only to Durga Puja. But the fact is that Durga Puja is only Durga Puja in Calcutta. And Thanksgiving and Christmas? Well, you’ve got to give it to New York. She does Christmas with style. As I walked to work from the subway this morning, I couldn’t help but be cheered by decorative Christmas lights, the promise of warmth and nutmeg-covered sweets in every café, women sporting the latest fashions in coats and gloves, and of course, the big one, the tree at Rockefeller Center. There’s something about that tree and the ice skating rink in front of it that will always be magical to me. Mostly, the American assertion on every billboard, TV and coffee mug that your holidays are a time to be peaceful, joyous and bask in the glow of family and friends is a difficult line not to fall for.

So what does the shiny, sparkly holiday season mean to most Desis? As I see it, Desis do the holidays in one of three ways: i) Puritanically, where they follow all the rules and traditions and have fun making turkey with stuffing while putting up a Christmas tree, ii) Passively, where Thanksgiving is a time to be with family, maybe add some butter chicken to the menu, or iii) Inactively, where the few days off in December is seen as the time to visit South Asia.

In my own family, we follow a combination of the first and the third. If we’re in the States for the holidays, we do it right: There’s turkey, pumpkin pie, and sparkling cider in tall stemmed glasses at Thanksgiving. All our friends come over and I’ve made a tradition of decorating a tree over Thanksgiving weekend. The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade is on TV and by 8pm, we’re all in a food coma. In December we buy tickets to The Nutcracker ballet and drink hot cocoa while contemplating ice skating (though we never make it to the rink). We watch the ball drop on TV on the 31st and clink our glasses when Dick Clark tells us to. We wear red and green and make life as festive as possible.

Or we go in the totally opposite direction and leave for India as soon as school is out, eagerly awaiting shopping trips in Calcutta without the burning sun, or time spent with family drinking chai on the veranda where it’s impossible to sit in the summer.

But what is the common thread among all these ways of celebrating? To me, it’s family… and the close friends who become family. My brother and I grew up in an extremely loving but sometimes lonely house, with nobody but our parents to call family around us. We didn’t notice there was anything missing until we came of age and realized that most people spent the holidays with hordes of other people. And so, as we got older, our parents’ friends in the community and our friends from school and college became our family, and we invited them into our home and called them ours, and slowly, even my parents forgot to miss their relatives back “home.”

My point is that unless you’re one of the incredibly lucky people to have a lot of family in this country, the holiday season for most Desis I know is about forging the family that we do have in this context. Whether that’s the family we make from the people we choose to love, or the family that’s made for us, the holidays are a time to enjoy those people in your life. And no, we don’t need a Christmas tree to do that, especially since most of us aren’t even Christian. But sometimes, it’s fun to make everyone choose an ornament and crunch a candy cane while Frank Sinatra sings in the background.

Happy Holidays!

About the author:
Piyali Bhattacharya is an American-born Desi writer who contributes pieces about South Asian American Feminisms to EGO every fortnight. Please send comments to her at piyali.ego@gmail.com or to EGO at info@egothemag.com

Images courtesy of Romit Bhattacharya

Refreshing is the word that comes to mind when one views the works. "Kriya" puts on show three of the artist's collections. The oldest of her collections, a monochromatic homage to the cave temple sculptures of Mahabalipuram, has a quiet presence and eternal energy to it. Another collection takes scenes and cultural slices from the Indian subcontinent and presents them with modern, dashing, strokes. There is a playful yoga series as witness to Jay's eternal passion for the art. One can see why the artist says that she "draws inspiration from her diverse cultural background".

Refreshing is the word that comes to mind when one views the works. "Kriya" puts on show three of the artist's collections. The oldest of her collections, a monochromatic homage to the cave temple sculptures of Mahabalipuram, has a quiet presence and eternal energy to it. Another collection takes scenes and cultural slices from the Indian subcontinent and presents them with modern, dashing, strokes. There is a playful yoga series as witness to Jay's eternal passion for the art. One can see why the artist says that she "draws inspiration from her diverse cultural background".

Most of the pieces are unexpected and full of a joyful energy, much like the artist’s personality. My favorite was the dream-scape-esque “Bollywood Dreams”.

Visit the Kirkland Gallery, 601 Lexington Avenue, 38th floor, New York, NY 212.446.4801.

A beautiful twenty-something Indian chartered accountant teaches yoga to prisoners at a New York State penitentiary.

I knew I had to review Bapsy Jain’s Lucky Everyday when I heard the plot outline. The thing that's always stuck in my craw about chick-lit is the consumerism displayed by the protagonists; the Shopaholic is but the most transparently-named member of her tribe. The idea of yoga (can we say anti-materialism here?) entwined with chick-lit was way too twisted intriguing to pass up.

A beautiful twenty-something Indian chartered accountant teaches yoga to prisoners at a New York state penitentiary.

I knew I had to review Bapsy Jain’s Lucky Everyday when I heard the plot outline. The thing that's always stuck in my craw about chick-lit is the consumerism displayed by the protagonists; the Shopaholic is but the most transparently-named member of her tribe. The idea of yoga (can we say anti-materialism here?) entwined with chick-lit was way too twisted intriguing to pass up.

Lucky Boyce has just emerged from a nasty divorce where her husband killed her successful jewelery export business and her self-esteem. She subsequently moves from Mumbai to New York, the scene of happier days when she was a successful single woman working for a top financial services firm in Manhattan. An old friend persuades Lucky to take her mind off her troubles by teaching yoga to help rehabilitate prisoners. In a Bollywood moment, Lucky wins over the skeptical convicts by performing a single-armed handstand.

But New York isn’t kind to Lucky this time round. A random mugging results in a serious wrist injury. The new firm she’s joined seems to encourage dodgy accounting practices. The nice guy she’d dumped for her former husband is now a married father of two. And when Lucky finds herself at the center of a criminal conspiracy, possibly facing a prison term, her name looks like a bad joke. But our protagonist sorts out most of her problems with her intelligence, some serious doodling skills, and of course, yoga. I have never practised yoga, and so am not quite sure what to make of a sentence like “Closing her eyes, she focused on a soft blue glow that appeared from the ajna chakra.” Suffice to say that yoga calms and de-stresses Lucky so she can focus on her true priorities. Lucky is aided in her quest for inner peace by the voice of her spiritual guru Shanti (duh, peace in Sanskrit).

The writing is occasionally over the top (as witnessed by the latter instance), but Lucky Everyday's main weakness is its anemic characterizations. Lucky is nicely drawn, but the secondary characters are an indistinguishable lot--there is no real attempt to explore the impulses or ideologies that shape people's behaviors. Still, the plot moves along briskly, and readers will definitely cheer Lucky in her fight against the patriarchy. And how bracing to find a protagonist who isn't a South Asian subaltern finding western feminism (and hence her voice) in North America. Jain gives us a young Indian woman whose independence and self-confidence were forged in India, who is traveling West to find peace. Lucky Boyce is in fact an anti-Elizabeth Gilbert, loving, praying and eating her way to enlightenment in NYC...

Jain also provides much interesting incidental detail in the book, not the least of which is that Lucky is Zoroastrian, and her ex-husband a Hindu. As is often the case, the pressures of a mixed marriage weigh more heavily on the woman, and having a jerk for a husband does not help. While the break-up of Lucky’s marriage wasn’t detailed in any meaningful depth, I was sort of glad that Jain pushed her protagonist beyond standard gender politics. Lucky's real struggle is to locate herself as a human being in the spiritual world.

If this is chick-lit, bring it on. Please.

You can find out more about the author on her website: niranjana.wordpress.com

What I call 'Assisted Dating' is still often referred to as Arranged Marriage. There is obviously very little I can do to change this, other than advocating a new term for the issue. However, I myself often struggle with what to do with this. Like I asked about the word “feminism,”. Is it a term for which we update the meaning and expect other people to catch up? Or is it an issue for which we come up with an entirely new term like “Assisted Dating”?

Explore the term and its implications on EGO's fortnightly 'Let's talk about' series by Piyali Bhattacharya.

First, let’s talk about the very definition of this term. I’d like to make clear that there are many, many different definitions of Arranged Marriage, and that the definitions often vary as much as traditions vary from family to family. The traditional definition of this term includes a young man and woman being introduced by their parents, and if everyone agrees, a wedding follows. However, in this system, the young couple very rarely are given any agency and are not always able to put forth an opinion.

I think, though, that this system is no longer necessarily what it used to be. These days, the definition of Arranged Marriage has transformed into something I might term “Assisted Dating.” I should clarify that this term only applies to a certain class and type of people. These, in my opinion, would probably be people of higher socio-economic status in South Asia, or South Asians raising their children abroad, as I have been raised. So how does Assisted Dating in our society work?

It’s a rather complicated issue. Using myself as an example, throughout high school and college I fully expected to be set up by my parents, and was pretty excited about the idea. I wasn’t really looking for people to date, and I was fairly certain that I wanted to be with someone from my background who spoke my language. I was confident my parents would be able to find someone for me who not only fulfilled all of their loose requirements, but also mine. I expected that they might introduce me to a few people they liked, and that I would date them… maybe only one of them, maybe several of them… and see how it went. And it may even have worked… if I hadn’t met someone absolutely magical first.

What I’m trying to say here is not that I don’t believe in Assisted Dating or that I think matches work out better with people you meet on your own. What I’m trying to say is that if you’re looking to be set up by your parents, you and your parents have to absolutely agree and be totally clear on what it is that you both want. Even though I met my fiancé without the help of my parents, I was not closed off to the idea of my parents introducing me to someone, given that it would happen without force or any feelings of guilt attached to it. My parents and I were on the same page about what I wanted… and that didn’t just mean I wanted someone who spoke Bengali. It meant I wanted to be with someone who understood feminism, who encouraged me to write, and who would be involved in the projects I took on. My parents had always understood that about me, and I think that’s why I had been so open to them looking for a potential partner for me. When I did find my own partner, they supported the match because they recognized that even though my fiancé wasn’t from my community, he still matched all the other qualities they would have been looking for.

Of course, none of this is possible if you and your parents cannot see eye to eye. Assisted Dating is not for Desis or non-Desis. It’s for people who trust their families to find partners for them, and for people who trust that their families will look beyond superficial and societal reasons for being with someone.

The other issue is that what I call Assisted Dating is still often referred to as Arranged Marriage. There is obviously very little I can do to change this, other than advocating a new term for the issue. However, I myself often struggle with what to do with this. Like I asked about the word “feminism,” (http://www.egothemag.com/archives/2009/09/letas_talk_abou.htm) is it a term for which we update the meaning and expect other people to catch up? Or is it an issue for which we come up with an entirely new term like “Assisted Dating”? The problem here is that a term like “feminism” has fully moved on from what it used to mean. The term “Arranged Marriage” has not. There are still people who continue to have Arranged Marriages in the most traditional sense. But there are those who are more interested in Assisted Dating… and can this still be called Arranged Marriage?

These are not questions for which I have answers, nor can I dictate who should have an Arranged Marriage and who shouldn’t. All I can say is that if someone uses the term Arranged Marriage with you, think twice before you judge them, because they may not be referring to the same thing you’re referring to when you say it!

About the author:
Piyali Bhattacharya is an American-born Desi writer who contributes pieces about South Asian American Feminisms to EGO every fortnight. Please send comments to her at piyali.ego@gmail.com or to EGO at info@egothemag.com

Anand Surapur's yet unreleased film 'The Fakir of Venice' will be screened on Thursday, November 12th, as part of the upcoming MIAAC Film Festival, a favorite fall event to help heat up those chilly nights in the city.

E. Nina Rothe spoke with film-maker Anand Sarapur over Guinness and 'chai' at the Indian Film Festival of Los Angeles.

MIAAC, NEW YORK’S INDIAN FILM FESTIVAL - NOVEMBER 11-15, 2009 Complete program and ticket info at www.miaacfilmfest.org

ANAND SURAPUR TURNS CINEMATIC ALCHEMIST WITH 'THE FAKIR OF VENICE'


Anand Surapur's yet unreleased film 'The Fakir of Venice' will be screened on Thursday, November 12th, as part of the upcoming MIAAC Film Festival, a favorite fall event to help heat up those chilly nights in the Big Apple.

It is a film that is at once touching, tragic and charming. The film has been hailed in the Hollywood Reporter as 'A dark Indian comedy that could potentially reach a broad art-house audience' and of course, the now infamous title of 'Slumdog Millionaire' was also mentioned in the next paragraph of the film's review by Kirk Honeycutt.

With his own special brand of globalization, Anand Surapur is helping to link that bridge between India and the West that has been indisputably palpable after the success of Danny Boyle's film -- which incidentally also premiered in NYC as the Centerpiece of the 2008 edition of the Mahindra Indo-American Arts Council festival. Surapur is a pleasant island among filmmakers who mistrust the media and rush through interviews in an effort to keep their "essence" -- what makes them appear bigger than life and manifest the talent they possess -- to themselves.

Following is a leisurely conversation I had with Surapur, over Guinness and chai at the Indian Film Festival of Los Angeles. Although he won't be presenting the film at MIAAC, his star Farhan Akhtar is slated to introduce the screening and answer any of the audience's questions.

E. Nina Rothe: Phat Phish is your production company. Did you start out in producing?

Anand Surapur: No, I'm actually a director. I used to make promotional stuff for Channel V and MTV at one time, music videos... One of the films [Quick Gun Murugun, directed by Shashank Ghosh] that we produced was a promo initially.

ENR: So how did you get into directing?

AS: I don't know, it's quite difficult to say... I think my Mom was crazy about films and she's a classical singer, so I guess the music comes from her. And I mean, she was really crazy about films. I was never drawn to film-making until I was about 18/19. Never even thought about it. It just suddenly switched on.

ENR: What did you study in school?

AS: I actually came to study in Kansas, electrical engineering. Got a scholarship in 1989. Then I quit that because I got bored... I moved to New York, for four and a half years. I worked and did some odd jobs. Never graduated. In NY I shot a short film, it was at this time that I began discovering what I wanted to do, it seemed to come naturally to me. So I shot a documentary and then I took it back home when I moved back.

ENR: So what is the documentary about?

AS: It's about this girl who goes on a journey to find herself in Costa Rica. It's only an eleven minute film. I showed it to a few people and Shashank was one of them. I showed it to him in '94 and he said "When can you start?" And I said "Tomorrow!" and that's how it all started and how Shashank, [Ghosh] the director of QGM, became my boss.

ENR: So now onto "The Fakir of Venice". How did you become attracted to the project?

AS: You know, the guy told me the story and I was completely zapped. It's a true story out of Homi's ['Being Cyrus' director Homi Adajania] life. . It was just too unusual and there so much in the story: exploitation, friendship... In these times... The more I learned about it, the more it intrigued me. I even met the Fakir's real sister. Never met the man himself...

ENR: It is based on a true story, but is it true all the way to the ending?

AS: Not really. The premise is real. But the incidents have been changed a little. (He chuckles). I actually got Homi in the film. He's there, in one shot, where Farhan is back from Benares and he's talking to some friends in a bar. He's one of the friends.

ENR: How was it filming outside of India?

AS: I prefer shooting outside the country. You see, in India when I shoot I don't have any constructed sets. I try and use real locations and the people existing rather than hiring background and all of that. So, for me shooting in India is quite a pain, because I always have to do it on the fly and finish really fast. Otherwise, you get people coming into the frame, it's very difficult to handle. That's why I have always liked shooting abroad, because nobody hassles you.

ENR: What about your shoot in Venice? I mean the city can be pretty crowded too. Were there issues about the location?

AS: Yeah, but people let you be. In India, everyone sits around, so you've got to learn how to shoot fast. You are always under pressure. I mean, the second film we shot, it was more in a controlled location, on a larger scale. But Fakir was the first film and I used the real locations, in Venice, Tibet, Banares [Varanasi]. The only problem we had in Venice was that we had to work it in such a way -- it takes about four hours to transport there, when you shift locations, because of the boats, you have to load, reload, set up, re-set up -- I ended up shooting with two cameras, so as not to waste too much time. I had two different crews shooting the same thing. It cut time.

ENR: What do you actually prefer about shooting in India?

AS: I love Indian stories! Well, it's a pain in the... but I still love shooting there. You don't have to make it seem real, reality is just there.

ENR: Chronologically, even if the film has yet to be released, you were the first person to use Farhan Akhtar -- a well-known director himself -- as an actor. What made you think of him as your Adi Contractor?

AS: In fact my film says "Introducing Farhan Akhtar"... He knows Homi really well and he always wanted to act. I shot him in a commercial for Titan Watches a long while ago. You know, after Zoya saw this film she cast Farhan in 'Luck By Chance'. She wanted to see his work... Initially, I had spoken to Saif [Ali Khan] and he had agreed but after a year or so he turned it down. By then, he had become a star, more of a Bollywood actor, so he wasn't interested in doing more of these kinds of films. And he had already done 'Being Cyrus' under Homi's direction, so he was afraid of being typecast. (Laughs)

ENR: What would you call this genre of film? I mean, is it art-house? I have even heard it being called a "Black Comedy", which I absolutely think it's not!

AS: (laughing) I have no idea! Art-house has this weird connotation. But this film does seem weird, weird and strange. Also while I was shooting it, it was such an odd thing. It perhaps should be called a bittersweet film. I feel it to be very ironic, you simply feel the story but cannot do anything about it.

ENR: How did you get Annu Kapoor to act in the film, as the Fakir?

AS: I called him. There was a choice between Irrfan Khan and him. I mean, these are the people that we have: Irrfan, Naseer [Naseeruddin Shah], Om [Puri], Raghubir Yadav and Vijay Raaz. Yadav, you actually feel sorry for the guy -- it's his face which makes you want to give him a hug and I didn't want pity for the character of the Fakir. Irrfan I thought would be stronger than Farhan because of his size. It would be hard to feel the oppression dynamic. And Annu looks like the real life guy. He kept everything internal and changed so many things in the film. That grace that he brings, you really can't direct it. He owns Fakir. And in real life, he is the exact opposite of the character. In fact, I always let him speak at screenings. It doesn't matter what I say, he is the best spokesperson for the film.

ENR: How much of the character of Gia is real?

AS: There actually was one photographer who would come by and leave a rose in the sand. But they never spoke in real life. So we made her into a character.

ENR: What is your favorite place on earth?

AS: Oh, god. Favorite place? That's a tough one... All places are nice. It's a state of mind.

ENR: Preferred activity when you are not working?

AS: I'm always working. Or traveling... For work.

About the author: E. Nina Rothe ran her own column at Chic Today for over a year and a half where she interviewed Sooni Taraporevala, Zoya Akhtar and Liz Mermin among many others. She currently writes for AVS TV. She has just been published in Tehelka Magazine and Bespoke as well. You can find her personal writing on her blog The Ajnabee Websites: (http://theajnabee.com/)

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MIAAC, NEW YORK’S INDIAN FILM FESTIVAL - NOVEMBER 11-15, 2009
Complete program and ticket info at www.miaacfilmfest.org

The 2009 MIAAC Film Festival is setting the stage for some of the most highly anticipated films of the year. The festival includes films from India, Canada, the UK and the United States.

-The November 11th opening night film is “Today’s Special,” a comedy written by and starring Aasif Mandvi (“The Daily Show”) accompanied by renowned Indian actor Naseerudin Shah and author and actor Madhur Jaffrey.

-Santosh Sivan's “Tahaan” set in Kashmir, is the prestigious Festival Centerpiece on November 13th.

- The festival’s closing night on November 15th packs a bang with “Antaheen – The Endless Wait” starring two film luminaries discovered by Satyajit Ray - Sharmila Tagore and Aparna Sen – both of whom will attend the festival.

About the Indo-American Arts Council:
The Indo-American Arts Council Inc. is a registered 501(c)3 not-for-profit, secular service and resource arts organization charged with the mission of promoting and building the awareness, creation, production, exhibition, publication and performance of Indian and cross-cultural art forms in North America. For more information, please visit www.iaac.us

For anyone else, this would be a simple enough question: do I go for it and tell all my friends about the engagement at once, or do I wait and tell everyone I see in person?

Not so for your average Desi-American girl. See, putting something like an engagement up on Facebook is a highly politicized affair, and one that involves the consent of the entire family.

Not so for your average Desi-American girl. See, putting something like an engagement up on Facebook is a highly politicized affair, and one that involves the consent of the entire family. There are things that must be taken into consideration, people’s feelings and reactions to be thought of. Most importantly, my parents had to face the decision of having their friends find out through their children (as Facebook news spreads like wildfire), or telling them each during a private phone call, explaining exactly who the boy is, what he does, how we met (details that cannot be explained via the internet, therefore leaving room for random assumptions to be made and then spread).

So we had a Family Meeting, the type that is only held for the most serious of occasions, to discuss how to play our cards correctly. On the one hand, there was the fact that if my parents were to sit down to phone everyone they knew, they would be hoarse by the end of two days, and may still not have finished calling every last Indian family they knew, and to whose children’s weddings they had been invited. On the other hand, announcing it on Facebook meant that all my friends and family could know about it and send messages to my fiancé and me, even if they were in different countries. But of course, then they couldn’t proudly list all of their intended son-in-law’s various achievements. As an anecdotal example, how then, would people know that at such a young age he had been hired as a Yale professor?

Of course, none of this would be an issue if we weren’t Desi. I am what you might call a “good Desi girl” marrying a very “good Desi boy,” but he’s not from my community. He’s not Bengali. Now, this is something that I will be writing many, many columns about in the future, because choosing a partner who didn’t speak the language I spoke with my parents has been one of the defining decisions of my life. But for now, I’ll just shorthand it and say that for many years, I was convinced that I myself wanted to be with a Bengali, since my parents put so much effort into making my Bengali perfect and accent-less, even though I grew up in the States. Not to mention, they pulled me out of school every year between the months of May and September and took me to Calcutta where I played with cousins, took lessons and generally forgot about my American school and passport. Having spent so much time in that city and having been raised by parents who firmly placed my identity in Bengal, I shocked even myself when I fell for a Panjabi. And since I myself had always wanted to be with a Bengali, I think my parents had started assuming I would be too. Before I met my fiancé, I had fully intended to have an arranged marriage (or maybe a better term these days is “assisted dating”… and again, the subject of Desi marriage is something many readers have asked me to comment on, and as I mentioned, it will be the subject of not one, but several columns over the next few weeks). But the very first day I met him, I knew something really special had happened. And so at the time, my family had had a Family Meeting (or several), similar to the one that was held a few days ago, the outcome of which was that they told me that they were proud of the person I had become and the choice I had made. They had understood what a supportive, talented and caring man I had come across, something that can be so rare.

Flash forward to our engagement last weekend, in which he drove me up to the Berkshires and proposed on the top of a mountain with the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen. When I called my parents from the top of that mountain, they couldn’t have been more thrilled. Excited screams burst forth from the telephone, and then demands to come home immediately so that we could celebrate together. Even so, after the excitement had died down, the issue of the mode in which to tell the larger Desi community of my choice of husband still remained. And that’s when the Facebook question popped its head up.

- What about the people who would ask my parents why I wasn’t marrying a Bengali, when I had partially grown up in Bengal?

- What would they assume from his very obviously non-Bengali name that would be tagged in all my Facebook photos?

- Would they wonder how my parents had reacted to it? How do I assure them that my parents were genuinely excited that I had found someone I was so incredibly compatible with?

- Also, how do I tell them that since meeting me, my fiancé had started taking Bengali lessons!?

All of these questions needed to be taken into account.

In the end, my parents encouraged me to share the news on the internet. “This day only comes once in your life,” my mother said. “Enjoy it and share the joy of it with as many people as you can.” I did exactly that. In addition though, these days every time I come home from work, Ma is on the phone with some ‘Aunty’, regaling them with stories of my mountaintop proposal!

About the author:
Piyali Bhattacharya is an American-born Desi writer who contributes pieces about South Asian American Feminisms to EGO every fortnight. Please send comments to her at piyali.ego@gmail.com or to EGO at info@egothemag.com

Amitabh Bachchan’s film couldn't match the buzz that Khan’s documentary created at the 6th Annual South Asian International Film Festival.

Propelled by a cover story in Newsweek in Oct 2007 labeling Pakistan, “the most dangerous place in the world” the film seeks to dispel the prevailing perceptions of Pakistanis in the West.

“Fourteen-hour load-shedding, suicide bombings by the dozen, military operations, judicial crises and assassinations. Yet we smile, we persevere. That is the spirit of Pakistan and its people. Made in Pakistan aims to reflect this characteristic through the lives of four extraordinary individuals.” - ‘Made in Pakistan’ director, Nasir Khan.

Amitabh Bachchan’s film couldn't match the buzz that Khan’s documentary created at the 6th Annual South Asian International Film Festival.








Propelled by a cover story in Newsweek in Oct 2007 labeling Pakistan, “the most dangerous place in the world”, ‘Made in Pakistan’ seeks to dispel the prevailing perceptions of Pakistanis in the West.

Set against the backdrop of the declaration of a state of emergency it aims at projecting a multifaceted society where politics, fashion, religion, law and tradition intersect by following the lives of four working professionals.
- Rabia Aamir: working mother and journalist
- Waleed Khalid: religious, articulate and secular lawyer
- Tara Mahmood: event and PR manager
- Mohsin Warraich: aspiring politician

At the outset the film does beg the obvious question about the decision to follow the lives of an obviously priveleged class of individuals. According to Executive Producer, Ayesha Khan, this was an educated decision since target audiences in the West would be more inclined to identify with them.

The subjects deserve kudos for their veracity and openness sans 'schmaltz', especially in light of the trajectory of events. Director Khan's focus is keen. He does not attempt to break down political reality nor does he present a call to action.

If one can set aside the question, “Why does a western perception matter so much?” what you get is a tasteful chronicling of everyday lives of young urban people as a means to initiating discussion.

"Made in Pakistan” is the first documentary ever to be released theatrically in Pakistan, with a release to follow soon in the UK, courtesy of Mara Pictures (www.marapictures.com). For now, it is a favorite on the festival circuit, with the Cancun and Mumbai festivals up next.